Teen Spirit
by Phil929
Summary: Ryan's having trouble coping with his new life.
1. Part 1

**Title:** Teen Spirit (1 of 2)

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** There is something strange going on with Ryan. Contains mild language.

**Word Count:** 1,478

**Teen Spirit**

No one really knew how it started, but Ryan was not the same boy he had once been.

They could only watch through the one way window at the shivering, hunched up form. His fingers clenched at his blonde hair and his eyes sad and glazed, cast down at the floor.

Sandy put his fingers against the glass, longing to go back to before. How could he have been so blind as to not see what was going on?

A burst of strength brought Ryan to his feet. "Sandy!" He yelled. He sank once again to the floor as the first guard rushed into the room.

"No, please… Sandy, I've changed my mind. Help me!" Sandy covered his face with his hand unable to watch Ryan's turmoil.

He turned to where Seth sat, his face pale and drawn at the sound of Ryan's cries. A great bruise had taken over the left side of his face.

"Are you happy now?" he snarled.

xxx

The day earlier…

Ryan sat in the corner of the room, a hood up and over his head.

He needed them so badly but Seth had taken them away. His hands shook and he nervously rocked in place.

He needed them, why did Seth have to be such a little smart ass. He ran his hands through his hair and tried to relax. He wouldn't get anywhere like this. He had to go through the house to Seth's room but he couldn't let Sandy or Kirsten see him like this.

He sighed, why couldn't Seth have just let it alone? He wanted them so badly. It would be easy to quit and he had told Seth that, if he set his mind to it, he'd manage. The little bugger hadn't believed him and had taken them away.

He just needed one more hit and then he would quit but Seth had taken them away. He'd been so quick that it had happened before Ryan had even realised he wasn't holding them anymore.

That stupid idiot, seriously he had no idea what it was like to have to face Newport each day. He couldn't face all the bitchy and two faced people that could only see him as the violent kid from Chino without them. He needed something to help him through and now Seth had taken away that one peace of home he had left, his one piece of comfort.

He jumped when he heard a knock at the door and Sandy's head appeared.

"Hey kid, I was wondering if I could have a word?" He said it as a question and Ryan wondered why he even bothered, it wasn't like he was allowed to say no.

He shrugged and tried to appear normal. He hid his hands in his sleeves to try and disguise the shaking.

Sandy sat down next to him, leaning against the wall and frowning slightly.

"So, Kirsten and I have been noticing you've been a bit distant lately."

He spoke with a low, gentle voice. He watched Ryan with inquisitive eyes that he tried desperately to avoid contact with.

Sandy wouldn't understand, he'd react just like Seth had.

"You know when I first moved to Newport it was strange for me as well. Sure, I didn't have to deal with the teenagers but a lot of the newpsies weren't exactly welcoming. I just want you to know that you're not alone." He leaned in closer and his frown deepened.

"Are you shaking?" He asked confused.

Ryan said nothing but began slowly moving away.

"Ryan? Is there anything you want to tell me?" Sandy asked. His face was filled with worry and Ryan looked away. "Are you feeling alright?"

Ryan nodded and withdrew further into himself.

Each day, the idea of running away came to him more and more but he didn't want to give in. All his life he had given in to his mom's boyfriends. The drugs were helping him deal but now Seth had taken them away.

Sandy sighed. "Please talk to me Ryan, you're not yourself."

Ryan shrugged and pulled himself to his feet. He kept his arms around his waist. "I'm going to find Seth," He mumbled.

Sandy sighed loudly, "He's out, said he's got something to take care of. Goodness knows what… you boys are so secretive these days. You're both driving Kirsten and I crazy."

Ryan felt his temper rise at the knowledge Seth had gone out. He knew what he'd gone out to do. He slammed his hand into the wall in annoyance and ignored Sandy's little gasp.

He slammed himself down on to the floor and put his face into his hands. He was already scrounging around for the money to buy the drugs and this had been a new batch. He wouldn't be able to afford anymore for at least another month.

"Ryan, please tell me what's going on." Sandy pleaded coming closer and resting his hand on Ryan's arm.

"You wouldn't understand," he mumbled but didn't move away. Sometimes he wished that Trey was around in Newport, he'd know what to do and he'd understand. He wouldn't just steal something and hide it before destroying it.

Sandy sat with him for a while but it became apparent soon enough that Ryan wouldn't say anything else. He stood up quietly and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

xxx

Ryan sat on Seth's bed, his shaking had worsened and his fury for Seth was gnawing away at him. What gave him the right to steal from him?

The door opened and the culprit came in, his head down and his eyes blank. Ryan stood up. "What the hell have you done with it?"

Seth looked around the room, his clothes lay scattered around and his comic books were strewn across the room.

He finally looked over at Ryan and for the first time ever, he felt fear at the look Ryan had in his eyes. It was of pure hatred and annoyance.

"Ryan, I'm just trying to help you." He tried but knew it was useless. He frowned at Ryan's shaking and face bathed in sweat.

"I need it. Seth, I promise I will quit but I need it now… just give me back a little bit."

Seth shook his head sadly. "I can't, you know I can't. If it were me, you'd do the same thing." He said softly.

"No I wouldn't, I'd respect your needs. I wouldn't steal from you!" Ryan yelled at him.

He ignored the sound of feet trampling up the stairs and swung at Seth.

He didn't hear the door open but could feel powerful arms grabbing him and pulling him away from Seth. He was all but dragged from the room and Sandy's voice appeared in his ear.

"Ryan stop it, calm down!"

He was pushed into another room and by then was so exhausted he collapsed on to the floor and watched as the figure came into the room.

"Ryan listen to me, you're not yourself right now. You have to calm down." There was a long pause and Ryan just lay back on the floor shaking and trying to keep still.

"Seth told us about the drugs, alright? Some people are coming over who can help you. They're gong to take you somewhere, where you can get better."

Ryan's head shot up. "No I'm fine… I told Seth… I can take care of this myself. Why is everybody doing this to me?"

"Ryan listen, we want to help you."

Feet on the stairs caught their attention and Ryan paled visibly.

"I don't want to go…" he whispered. Sandy put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it.

"Please Ryan, do this for us. I promise it won't be for long and then you'll be back here."

The door opened and two people came in. Ryan looked up at them and looked frantically at Sandy.

"Ryan, they're here to help. Please let us help you. Things can get better."

The men stood to the side and waited for Sandy's signal.

"Please Ryan, do this for me."

It was only a slight nod but it was a nod nonetheless and Sandy signalled the men over.

They helped Ryan up and began walking him out of the door. Ryan looked at Sandy again and shot him a helpless look.

"We're right behind you Ryan; we're not leaving you alone in this." He promised.

As they made their way down the stairs, Seth stopped his dad.

"You promised we'd take care of this as a family. If you lock Ryan up, he's going to hate it… he's going to hate me for telling you. I can't believe you did this."

He pushed past him to where his mom stood watching Ryan with sad eyes. They all watched the strangers take their newest family member away. Nobody knew properly what to say.

tbc…


	2. Part 2

Part 2

Ryan was going crazy. His head ached, he couldn't stop shaking and he kept having to pee in a cup for random nurses who kept coming into his room.

The days were all muddling into one and he was trapped in this room surrounded by four walls. One of which had a huge mirror which he knew people could see him through but he couldn't see them. He hated it, he hated the exposure.

Sandy had promised that he'd stay with him and yet there was no sign of him yet. He understood Kirsten and Seth not coming. He had hit Seth after all but he was still hurt that there had been no sign of them.

The nights were the worst. He kept having recurring night mares and the doctors would strap him down. He'd wake up screaming with a bunch of strangers surrounding him and raw wrists. This was not what he'd agreed too.

He sat hunched over next to his bed and rubbed at his stinging wrists. He could feel eyes watching him but he couldn't see them and it made him feel so uncomfortable.

He never spoke to the doctors or nurses, no matter how hard they tried to make him. He stayed quiet but did everything they asked him to do. He didn't want to piss them off.

He ignored the sound of the door opening and didn't move. He heard footsteps getting closer and they stopped next to him.

A hand appeared on his shoulder and he flinched away from it.

"You're doing so well kid," Sandy's voice floated towards him and his head shot upwards. Sandy stood over him, his face holding a nervous but sturdy smile.

"I'm sorry we haven't been in here with you but Dr Green wouldn't let us come in. We've been just outside though, we haven't left you."

Ryan gave a little nod but stayed quiet.

"So, the doctors are all really optimistic. They say you're quiet but making huge progress. All the nurses are fighting over who gets to come into your room, you're their best patient"

Ryan shrugged and looked back to the floor. He heard Sandy sigh and sit down next to him properly.

"Come on Ryan, you must have something to say. All the doctors and nurses are worried about your lack of speech. I know you like to speak as little as possible but this is exceeding all of your previous records." He rubbed his face with his hand and sunk against the bed.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do." He admitted and Ryan looked at him confused. "Kirsten's unhappy, you're not talking, Seth is pissed at me…" He paused.

"I don't know how I missed all of the signs for this," He stopped realising how much he was telling Ryan when really it should be the other way around. Ryan should be talking to him about his problems.

He understood his son's ability to talk so much to Ryan all the time. He never complained and listened closely to what you had to say. It was nice to have someone quiet to talk to who wouldn't say anything you said to someone else.

"I'm sorry," the words were hoarse and quiet but Sandy heard them loud and clear.

"So you can speak, you won't believe how worried we have all been," Sandy gushed and then stopped himself.

"I thought you'd gone," Sandy felt his heart pound at those words. Yes Ryan had done a bad thing, taking drugs and lying about it but the thought that he'd thought they had abandoned him like his mother had was too much to bear.

"What made you take them in the first place?" He asked quietly.

Ryan breathed out deeply, feeling ashamed. He had done the thing that he had most hated about the men his mom used to bring home.

He couldn't believe the impact it had had on his new family.

"I just…" He paused and fiddled with his hands.

His voice still sounded hoarse and still quiet but Sandy hung on to each word.

"I needed a way to cope and they seemed to help for a while I guess." He said barely above a whisper.

Sandy nodded. "You know you could have talked to us. Kirsten, Seth and I… we're there for you. You don't have to go through all this alone. We expect you to take a while to adjust after all, you've only been here for a few months…"

Ryan looked up at him. "I miss her … but I know she won't come back and sometimes it hurts and I just need an escape,"

Sandy was at a loss for words, he put his arm around him and Ryan stared ahead at nothing trying to keep his emotions in check.

It felt odd telling Sandy all of his deepest feelings but it had just felt right. Sandy had poured his heart out to him and he had felt he should talk to him in return. He'd never been so honest with anyone before especially about hid mother.

They both sat together on the floor in silence.

The silence was broken by a nurse coming in for check ups and Sandy was asked to leave.

"I'll be back tomorrow kid, okay?" Ryan nodded. Inwardly he wondered how Sandy could be so nice to him; he had hit Seth after all. He knew that Kirsten would be a different case altogether; he'd seen the look of distrust on her face when he'd been walked past her.

xxx

The next day, Ryan expected Sandy to come through the door every time it was opened, and each time it would be a nurse or a counsellor. He told himself Sandy wouldn't leave him but he felt the worry mount every time he was disappointed.

He had stopped speaking again but not in a rebellious way. It was just because he was too busy thinking over why Sandy wasn't there to have the energy to actually open his mouth to say anything.

He was surprised on one occasion when the door opened to reveal Kirsten. He sat with a bated breath to see what she was going to do.

"I'm sorry," he offered when she just stood a few feet from the bed looking down at him.

She didn't say anything but sat down next to him on the floor and they both absorbed each others silences. He knew that he had broken her trust and that as a Newport girl she would not be able to understand why he had been so stupid unlike Sandy had.

"I'm sorry too," She whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were upset and I'm sorry that I was angry when I found out or that I didn't come in with Sandy yesterday,"

He hadn't realised she had meant to be with Sandy yesterday but he was that she was here with him now. He hated how lonely he felt when he was left alone here.

"I wish there was a way I could erase your past and rewrite it with us. I need to remember you are not Seth, you react to things differently." Briefly Ryan wondered to himself how the Cohens were always able to talk out their feelings to him. They always joked around with each other but when he was alone with one of them, they would be serious (excluding Seth of course) and spoke what they were feeling.

"I'm sorry I let you down," He said quietly.

They both sat in silence again and Kirsten rubbed his knee gently with her hand.

"It's okay. We just feel bad that we didn't spot the signs and had to wait for Seth to point it out to us." She said finally.

"Are you tired? The doctors told us about your nightmares and that you're not sleeping well." She asked looking at him concerned.

He shrugged and she was about to say something when the door opened and she was told to leave by the nurse. She got up hesitantly and gave him a final hug before leaving.

xxx

Each day either Sandy or Kirsten would come in. Sometimes they would come in together and other times it would just be one of them.

Each day passed as quick as the one before and each day he began to feel better and better. His shaking eased and so did his nightmares. It was nice to have a good nights sleep. It was also nice to see the purple sacks under his eyes begin to fade.

He had no idea how long he'd been there until all the Cohens came into the room. He was surprised to see Seth there included, even more so when Seth pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry man," he whispered and Ryan frowned, what could he be sorry for?

Sandy and Kirsten sat around on the chairs provided and Seth sat down on the floor next to Ryan. They passed the first few minutes in silence, but Set being Seth couldn't hold it for very long and began rambling to Ryan about all the house hold "drama" he'd missed whilst he'd been away. He was amazed at how resilient Seth truly was.

It wasn't the end and no one could foresee what was going to happen but having all the family around him made Ryan see just what he had nearly jeopardised. The thought of letting the Cohens down again was not something he wanted to do again.

A silent agreement was renewed between them all that they would be there for each other from now on. Sandy looked down at the three people around him and told himself he would not let one of his family members feel so low again. Soon Ryan would be home and he promised himself that no matter what, Ryan was a part of this family. No matter ho bad his child hood was, he was with them now and would always be a member of the family no matter what.

The End.

Thanks for reading.


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